Does it feel as if your sexual thoughts and urges have a mind of their own? Like they're calling the shots, even when you know it might lead to trouble?
It's as if you're caught in a maelstrom; you're being pulled under no matter how hard you fight. It can feel like you're trapped in a cycle of shame and secrecy.
This is the reality for many people struggling with compulsive sexual behaviours.
But there is hope!
Sexual addiction therapy can help you break free and find healing.
Compulsive sexual behaviours (CSB) are when you have persistent, intense, and repeated sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviours. You engage in these behaviours even when they cause problems in your life. And when you try to stop, you can't.
Over time, your cravings escalate. You need to do it more often or push the intensity, needing more extreme content or riskier encounters.
It can show up in different ways:
These habits interfere with your relationships, job, and feelings about yourself.
If you're struggling with these behaviours, it doesn't mean something is fundamentally wrong with you. It simply means you're dealing with complex challenges. Challenges for which you can get support and treatment.
It can be tricky to tell the difference between a healthy, active, and exciting sex life and compulsive sexual behaviour. Remember, just because your desires fall outside the "societal norm" does not necessarily mean you have a problem.
Here are a few basic questions. Answer them honestly. If you answer yes to the majority, your behaviour might lean into the CSB realm.
Importantly! This is NOT a diagnosis; it's to give you an idea. Speak to a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist for a comprehensive answer.
Sexual addiction therapy is a specialized treatment to help you manage and move past compulsive sexual behaviours.
So, before you start working with a therapist, ask if they have problematic sexual interests and behaviour treatment experience.
Qualified and experienced therapists, like Dr. Kate Hamilton, are familiar with the best evidence-based approaches available. This way, we can provide the best-suited treatment for your CSB needs.
While sex addiction therapy is not about "curing" the behaviour, it helps you:
Therapy helps you get your life back. It gives you a safe, supportive, judgment-free space to talk. More importantly, it's a space to talk to someone who understands and can help you understand the why behind your behaviour.
The road to healing can be long and tough, but the rewards (greater peace, control, and connection) are worth it.
While research is still investigating the exact causes of compulsive sexual behaviours, several factors may contribute to it.
Brain Changes
When we engage in compulsive behaviours, it actually changes the way our brains work. Over time, the brain's reward system becomes overactive. This makes it harder to resist urges, leading to a need for more intense stimulation to feel satisfied.
Mental Health Conditions
Conditions like depression, anxiety, and trauma can increase the risk of developing compulsive sexual behaviours. It's possible that you use these behaviours to cope with, numb, or avoid these challenges.
Early Life Experiences
Childhood trauma, such as abuse or neglect, can also make someone more vulnerable to developing compulsive sexual behaviours later in life.
Research also suggests that people who grew up in households where one or both parents displayed addictive behaviour may be more likely to experience compulsive sexual behaviours as adults.
Identify Your Triggers
We'll work together to figure out what situations, thoughts, or emotions make you more likely to engage in compulsive sexual behaviours. It could be anything from stress at work to feeling lonely or bored.
By understanding your triggers, you can start to develop strategies to avoid them or cope with them in a healthier way.
Develop Coping Skills
Therapy will help you learn new ways to manage cravings and urges.
It might involve mindfulness techniques to help you stay present and focused, alternative activities to distract yourself when urges arise, or delayed gratification.
Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts
Often, compulsive sexual behaviours are fuelled by negative thoughts, like "I'm a bad person" or "I'll never be able to control this."
In therapy, we'll help you identify these thoughts and learn to challenge and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.
Address Underlying Issues
If you're struggling with other mental health conditions, past trauma, or attachment problems, therapy helps you address them. This can be a key part of healing and reducing compulsive sexual behaviours.
Build Healthier Relationships
Compulsive sexual behaviours can strain relationships with partners, family, and friends. You'll learn to communicate more openly, set healthy boundaries, and build stronger, more fulfilling connections.
Grow Stronger
Best of all, working through past hurts or tough emotions builds your ability to face challenges without succumbing to compulsive behaviours.
You'll also have the means to get back up if you should slip.
Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT helps you identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviours contributing to CSB. It focuses on developing practical skills for managing urges, coping with difficult emotions, and making healthier choices.
Basically, once you identify your triggers, CBT helps you learn new ways to handle them.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT helps you accept difficult thoughts and feelings without berating yourself AND without letting them control you. It emphasizes mindfulness and values-based living.
You'll learn to make space for those thoughts and feelings while still choosing to act in ways that align with your values and goals.
Schema Therapy
Schema therapy focuses on beliefs formed in the past, such as those from childhood. It helps you notice, understand, and change these long-standing thinking and behaviour patterns.
ACT can be beneficial if you struggle with relationship problems or low self-esteem. By shifting those patterns, you can find healthier ways to live.
It's a good idea to seek help if your sexual behaviours are:
Don't wait until things reach a crisis point—the sooner you reach out, the sooner you can start on your path to healing.
Reaching out for help is a big step to take!
Dr. Kate Hamilton is ready to assist if you or a loved one is struggling with compulsive sexual behaviour. We offer confidential and supportive online therapy.
Disclaimer: This blog post is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental healthcare advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider before starting any new medication or therapy. Dr. Kate Hamilton is not responsible for any injuries or damages resulting from using the information provided in this post.
